it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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