Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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