yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
