I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
