You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
