I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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