You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
