guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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