It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
