I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
