People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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