I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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