I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
