shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
