I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
