I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
