They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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