but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
