I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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