So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
