i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
