She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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