He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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