you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
