Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
