What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
