Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
