I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
