What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
