Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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