I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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