I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
