K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
