how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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