I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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