it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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