I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
