you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
