I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
