cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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