You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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