as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
