Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
