you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
