Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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