i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
