she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
