hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
