WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
