cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
