I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
