I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
